


Connection Day

by distelhawk



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Alternate Universe - Future, BAMF Natasha Romanov, Clint Needs a Hug, F/M, POV: Clint Barton, Protective Natasha Romanov
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-28
Updated: 2013-09-15
Packaged: 2017-12-03 22:22:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/703271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/distelhawk/pseuds/distelhawk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>“If a clock could count down to the moment you meet your soul mate, would you want to know?”</i><br/>In a gloomy future that is ruled by oppression and fear, Clint Barton struggles to make sense of his life and the changes his Connection Day bring.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Written for **jorizo's** prompt during the [2013 be_compromised Valentine's Day promptathon](http://be-compromised.livejournal.com/258344.html). 
> 
> I was lucky enough to find the best beta in all of creation, [AlphaFlyer](http://archiveofourown.org/users/AlphaFlyer).  
> Honestly - thank you for your patience with my run-on sentences and my rambling and the multitude of spelling mistakes and just - everything. Your honesty and encouragement mean the world and make this story just about 200% better!
> 
> So, I really wanted to contribute to the promptathon and on the day it opened, I was lazily scrolling through the prompts, re-read this one again and - BAM! This thing hit me like a brick-wall and wouldn't let me get up until I'd started typing.  
> This is the longest piece of writing I've ever done and I am quite proud of it. 
> 
> In total, there will be between 3-6 chapters.
> 
> It's all been written already, I just don't know where to cut the story and I am still grooming the mess that is the remaining 25 pages of writing.

**“Let me be that I am and seek not to alter me.”**  
 _William Shakespeare_ – Much Ado About Nothing

He’s got his hat pushed deep into his face and his collar high as he makes his way through the tunnel that leads him from the factories to his next destination, Breakfast Hall IX. Somewhere far above and outside his reach, he knows the dark clouds are closing in and the wind is howling furiously, tearing at whatever is left on the tortured surface. He knows because they tell you it’s the truth. Clint can nearly imagine the feeling of fresh air on his face, of clear rain splashing on his cheeks and if he wills himself to it, he might even imagine he remembers the feeling of sun-warmed skin. But he can’t feel any of these things, not really. He hardly even remembers them. How could he when he has spent the last 30-odd years of his life so deep underground he sometimes thinks his memories must be dreams. So instead, he tries to hide deeper into his collar and walks on, not breaking the line, nearing his destination just in time. 

They give you 10 minutes to walk from Factory Y to Breakfast Hall IX. If you walk briskly, you can make it in 9 minutes, 20 seconds. If you slack, you’ll get a line lasered onto the skin of your forearm for two days. The lasering doesn’t hurt, but the smaller food rations and the shorter curfew do. Also, it doesn’t do well to get lasered more than once a month. They call you up to Directory then. No one likes going up to Directory. 

Clint tends to make use of his one lasering once a month, always carefully dancing on the line of infraction. Not today, though. Today he tries to blend in, to go unnoticed, anything to escape the inevitable. He shuffles past the security detail, scans his fingertip – 9 minutes 48 seconds – and grabs himself a tray. He jokes with the on-duty kitchen girls, like he always does, giving them a smile and a wink, but he knows his heart isn’t in it. Still, everything is fine until Betty at check-out raises her voice. 

“Congratulations, Clint!”

She practically squeals, making as if to launch herself from her assigned seat behind the register. But she stays put, because you don’t do unassigned things. Clint closes his eyes for a moment, gripping his tray more forcefully, his left wrist burning.

“Oh don’t look so gloomy, you old bachelor! This will be the day, Clint. Your life will turn itself upside down, it will be wonderful!”

Betty continues to coo, her eyes wide with excitement and Clint tries to give her a smile - for her sake.

It isn’t that he doesn’t like Betty. He does, otherwise he wouldn’t even try to make her feel better. But she is like most of the others. Content with the repetition, happy with her lot in life and likes to think that happiness can be gained from giving up any pretense of autonomous decision. 

Clint just doesn’t agree with that, which is why he stands out. The older community members like Betty seem to like him well enough, in a let’s-pat-his-cheek, oh-the-ideas-of-young-people kind of way. But most people his age and younger avoid him, which suits him just fine if he is honest.

Behind him, he can feel people taking notice, can hear the murmurs starting. _’It’s his Connection Day!’ ‘About time if you ask me, he’s nearly 40.’ ‘I’ll pray for whoever ends up with that grumpy old fart …’_

He ignores them, like he always does.

“How much time have you got left?” Betty practically beams at him and Clint nearly drops his tray, so desperate is he to hide his wrist, to stuff it into the pocket of his flimsy jacket.

“Couple of hours.” He answers, voice scruffy for no reason. “Good day, Bets.” 

And before she can go on he walks away, wishing for shadows and dark corners where there is only pale light and stale squareness. He sits down at one of the empty tables, it doesn’t matter which one, they’re the same anyway. One mass of metal, formed into both bench and table. Everything is kept in the same tones of grey and blue, just like everyone’s clothes. It’s all for the purpose of a smooth routine, to make it easier for people. So they don’t waste time and energy on unnecessary decisions, such as how to dress themselves, or how to decorate their rooms, or where to step next. This way there is more energy left to put into work, into finding a solution for the communal problem.

It’s what runs their life, the one driving force behind every decision – finding a cure. When natural disasters started to take over the world some 100 years ago, there was still hope. But man is greedy and man is egotistical and so what used to be terrible disasters turned into everyday life. People moved on, people looked away. And technology advanced and science evolved and wars were fought and the world kept on spinning until one day technology and science went a step too far. 

Clint is fuzzy on the details. He was five when the bright blue sky above him turned black and something akin to ash began raining from up high. All he knows for certain is that _The Corporation_ , at that point, was already in everyone’s mouths and heads, a kind of _‘Utopia-Project’_ , or so it was called, that was trying to prepare mankind for the inevitable. And so when the toxins spread, The Corporation stepped into the light and finally shared its story with the public. It opened the doors wide and everyone went. 

Not everyone made it but no one, to Clint’s knowledge, disobeyed the call of The Corporation.

The alternative, it had been made abundantly clear, was death.

And so it started, a new life, a new conviction. Clint does not know how people were assigned their stations, but he guesses it was a rather simple matter of picking the few ones that had technological and scientific knowledge while the rest would do the manual labor to keep the place running. It’s how Clint ended up where he is now. His parents never even made it to The Corporation and he doesn’t know what happened to them. He thinks his father died on the train into the Corporation, but he isn’t sure. There were many deaths on that train. 

Being an orphan wasn’t uncommon for children in the Corporation, but it didn’t mean bright things for your future either. But it’s an okay life, Clint thinks, for the most part. And it makes sense, he knows it does. So many people herded together in such a small place, means order is important. The Corporation was their last chance of survival; they brought ‘Utopia’, so why question what they were selling?

What The Corporation says is gospel and it’s what everyone believes. Efficiency and accuracy, believing and obeying. Still, it scares Clint sometimes, how no one seems to question anything. He understands the logic behind it from the view of the Corporation, but not from the view of the people. How around him everyone just falls into line, happily accepting the small scraps of pre-designed individuality that is sometimes thrown their way.

But it’s not as if he is any better. He might not agree, but he is just as obedient - on the outside at least. He is too chicken shit to do something about his doubts and his thoughts, too scared to rebel against harmonization though he longs for individualism. And so he is the odd one out, the quiet one, the pitied one. 

“Hey,” 

Clint looks up and grunts a response around his eggs and toast. He really shouldn’t complain, because no one pities him as much as they pity Bruce. Everyone pities Bruce, everyone except Clint; maybe that is exactly why they are friends. 

Clint swallows his bite and nods at Bruce. 

“Morning.”

Rarely are useless words spoken between the two of them, but the silence is never uncomfortable, so it’s good. Today though, it seems like Bruce wants to talk, and the only reason he is twitching in his seat instead of spilling is that he knows how his friend feels about the one topic they’ve talked about until Clint was blue in the face. However this day will end, at least that conversation will be done for good, one way or another. 

“Just say it,” Clint grumbles into his coffee. A quick glance up lets him know he has another 6 minutes, 25 seconds left until his next rotation starts. Which makes it 1 hour, 23 minutes and 17 seconds of paralyzing freedom until …

“Nothing to say. Just … wondering if you’re alright.”

Bruce is shoveling down his own food as quickly as possible, but he still shares a long look with Clint, eyes on his only friend. Clint is the one that breaks the eye contact, looking back into his coffee, his thumb running over a little scratch on the metal mug. 

“I’m fine.” And if he keeps on saying it, he might just start believing it himself. 

He can feel Bruce looking at him a while longer, until the five-minute warning rings and everyone starts scrambling to eat the last bits of food before they have to be on their way. Clint finds he has lost his appetite and so he gets up – earlier than expected, making heads turn because you don’t do unusual things. But he is past caring. He squeezes his friend’s shoulder, in understanding as much as in apology, and makes to get rid of his tray. 

He always tries to be considerate of Bruce because he knows that Bruce is the only one who respects him, even if he might not understand him. But he respects the one thing no one else wants to even consider. That for Clint, the worst day of this rotten life is today.

The day everyone waits for with bated breath and prays to arrive early is the one day Clint wishes would never come. 

Connection Day.

Clint doesn’t know the specifics of how it works, and he doesn’t care to. What he knows is that today, in – he checks his wrist – 1 hour, 21 minutes and 3 seconds; he will meet the one person with whom he is meant to share the rest of his life. They will fall in love, they will get married, they will move in together, they will reproduce twice, they will die. His whole life is being laid out for him, a road ready to be taken at the speed of light, no bumps, no nooks and crannies, no _road less travelled_. There is only one road and everyone is rushing along it, heading for the same gloomy destination they are being sold as Utopia.

It isn’t that he doesn’t believe that love is real. No, he has met enough connected couples to know that they don’t just play pretend; they do actually love each other. What he has trouble with is the choice, because they don’t seem to have had one. He isn’t allowed to choose what he can wear or what he can eat, which is bad enough. But even the person he is meant to be with is somehow pre-determined to the moment they meet. Everything is mapped out, prepared. 

Clint never asked himself how it works, though maybe he should have. All he does know is, that he doesn’t want another thing forced on him. He might not have it in him to really fight against the system (because – why would he? Where would he go?), but at least he has the memories of sun and wind and rain, faint as they are. He remembers sitting on a swing and aiming for the sky. Most people with these memories are gone now. Died on the way or too young to remember.

His children would never know that life. Already he works alongside Generation X, the uncontaminated ones, the ones that were born here, in this bubble of UV light and Vitamin B. Generation Z, his generation, is still pretending to work towards a cure, their one directive since coming to The Corporation so that one day, they can return to the surface. Generation X works because they know no other way - they were born into this life. 

And no one dares to question a thing. Generation Z feels like they are not allowed. The Corporation saved their lives, how can a debt like that ever be repaid?

Clint can talk to Bruce about it, all the different things that irk him, that sometimes make his hands tremble, the reasons why he avoids communal events and “gets lost” once a month on his way to work. Bruce at least shares his views. So when they trade the small flask of burning liquor during the night, bought from an old soul down in Maintenance, they do their little bit of rebellion, keeping the memories of a former world alive and living life on their own terms as much as possible.

Connection Day had always been a distant future for Clint. The kind you are never going to reach anyway so why worry about it. When it says _23 years, 43 days, 22 hours, 56 minutes and 16 seconds_ on your wrist, imprinted when you turn 15, you start to believe the day will never come and you live your life accordingly.

And Bruce? His imprint read _120 years, 58 days, 2 hours, 43 minutes and 53 seconds_ when it got branded into his skin. Bruce was an anomaly. Of course they tried to find the mistake. But after the fifth branding and a number unchanged, it was decided that Bruce was not meant to find love. So Bruce was the odd one out, he was given a free ride. Bruce had what Clint wanted. The two of them had grown close back then, when Clint’s number and Bruce’s number both seemed abnormally far ahead. Hardly anyone was older than 30 for their Connection Day and so Clint and Bruce were avoided, because they were different. For the most part it suited them just fine.

Except that Bruce was lonely. He wasn’t jealous of Clint, because he knew his friend was just as miserable with the fact that he did have a Connection Day, no matter how far ahead. But Clint knew that Bruce couldn’t understand why he didn’t want his number to run out. Bruce respected his opinion, shared a lot of his views, but he still wanted someone at his side. And Clint could sympathize with that, too. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to find … someone; it being love or something else. But he knew he did not want it here, not under these circumstances. Not under this type of corporate-brand freedom they were fed every day. 

1 hour, 18 minutes, 10 seconds and Clint wants nothing more but to be back in the factory. The factories are safe; the same faces every day and the same spiel throughout. No one there could possibly be his match. And if he is in the factory, he won’t meet anyone new. He knows it’s stupid and that it probably won’t make a difference. But he is the only one he knows of who doesn’t embrace Connection Day, doesn’t actively seek it out, so maybe – just maybe – it will work for him. He will be another anomaly, like Bruce. He could live with that.

When he gets to the check-out point and scans his fingertip again, he is being held back and for a second dread fills him. Is this how it works? Is this how you find your soul-mate? Because he has never seen a matching happening with his own eyes, has never seen two people, feverishly checking the pulse point of their wrists where the seconds are slowly ticking away until suddenly …

Well, he doesn’t know what happens when the clock strikes zero. 

He feels slightly clammy while he waits apart from the line, feels more eyes boring into the back of his head as he waits for the security detail to come back with whatever came up on screen when he scanned his finger. He tries to breathe through his nose, to stay calm but today of all days, he can’t deal with the sudden changes. As much as he abhors the idea of a predetermined life, he cannot deny that it provides a sort of safety that he has gotten used to over the years. Sudden changes are usually thrilling, but today they make his stomach feel like lead. 

“Barton, Clinton. Designation X5-494. You’re being transferred to work in Factory X.”

The detail looks at Clint with the smallest glimmer of interest. No, this kind of thing doesn’t happen very often, especially not during a normal work day. Clint just looks back, hopes he doesn’t appear too on edge. Factory X, that actually doesn’t sound too bad. He has worked in Factory X before, he knows the foreman. Maybe it’s only a normal change after all. He allows himself to breathe a little easier. 

“Please follow the signs to Factory X, you’ve been given an additional 10 minutes.” 

And with that, he is free to leave. Quickly he steps back into the line and away from the prying eyes around him. And while he walks through another tunnel, the steady rhythm of worker-boots echoing away, he has a realization that grounds him very thoroughly. 

He cannot lose this.

It might be the shittiest freedom in the history of the world but it’s the only kind he has got. There is only so little time left until the Corporation decides again that his life needs a change and he doesn’t want it. His life may be boring, but that would be his decision, to stick it out with Bruce. Their own bit of freedom that he chooses gladly, happily if only it gets him out of more pre-determined procedures. If only it means one less X5-generation to be added to the numbed worker bees. It may not have qualified as a rebellion in the good old days, but it’s the only thing he has got and so he takes it. He stops walking, closes his eyes, breathes deep once, twice, steeling his resolve. 

And decides to turn the other way.

Because he is on his extra time now, he is on his own. No one else is out in the corridors anymore, only the ever-present eyes up high can follow him now and it doesn’t matter if the cameras and security find him in the end, if only they don’t get to him in the next 75 minutes. He takes a wrong turn, down another few levels until he is deep in the maintenance shafts, where the lights are dim and the air is thick but he doesn’t care. 

The decision was his own, and the thought makes him giddy. 

Quickly and on sure feet, Clint climbs in between thick pipes and air vents, up in the air so he is as high up as you can be when living several hundred meters underground. He feels good for the first time in weeks, months even. For a moment, he just breathes in the dirty air and feels so alive he doesn’t even know how to put it into words. His heart is beating like crazy and his hands shake a little, but still he could laugh like he hasn’t laughed in years. If this is what it felt like, back in the day, on the surface, when life was free and without inhibitions - why did people ever change? How could anything bad or horrible come from feeling like this? 

Clint is so caught up in his own world, in the whirlpool of feeling suddenly rushing through his veins that he hears them too late. The footsteps of the security details are nearly on him and when he does notice them it is already too late. In a matter of seconds, they have him in an iron grip and in a steady rhythm of heavy duty boots, they march him up. Higher and higher – Clint can only hope, with every fiber of his being, that the stolen time has been enough. In the sudden panic and the struggle, he hasn’t been able to glance at his wrist one more time, so all he has left is hope. The hope that the silent seconds have ticked by, that he has done the impossible and beat The Corporation at their own game.

That he broke free of their chains just once.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His eyes fly to his wrist; he scrambles to get his sleeve up, hope and terror thumping away in unison in his chest.  
> Finally, his eyes fall onto the smooth skin of his underarm. 
> 
> Three seconds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, all my gratitude and love go to **AlphaFlyer**. I feel 50% of the credit for this story should go toward you. Goodness knows Clint would only be a shadow of himself if it weren't for you. 
> 
> I am so happy and grateful for the wonderful feedback I've gotten so far, I hope the story continues to enthral you.

  
**“And that is how change happens.  
** **One gesture. One person. One moment at a time.”  
** ― Libba Bray, _The Sweet Far Thing_  


The guards don’t even bother taking him to his factory foreman or even to the head of the Level 11 security detail; they march him straight into one of the shiny and bright elevators that he has only stepped into once or twice in his life before. They are for _the other ones_ , the professors and politicians and the rich people, the ones running the project and funding the search for a cure.

“Where are you taking me?” he asks, once. But he isn’t surprised when silence is their only reply and so he shuts his mouth again and watches instead, trying to take in every detail. Bruce always says that he has keen eyesight, so he might as well put it to good use. 

Clint hardly even feels the elevator move, but suddenly there is a pleasant ringing sound and the doors open to a polished, blindingly white floor with pictures on the walls and flowers – actual flowers! – in the corners. While they drag him away, Clint cranes his neck, tries to take in every detail. He has never seen real plants in his life, only pictures in books. They are oddly alien and comfortably normal at the same time and for a moment Clint thinks he remembers: A day in a garden with sun and humming bees and flowers everywhere - they tickled his nose, he thinks.

He knows, of course, that flowers and plants still exist. Not as many as there used to be, but in some underground greenhouse there must still be people growing them, making them ready for a day that will probably never come again. Still, they have a purpose – or so he’d always thought. But just having them stand there, in a long white corridor that seems so unused that Clint wonders if he and his captors might be the first people to ever walk through it … it seems wasteful. And if The Corporation is one thing, it is not wasteful! But before Clint gets to think about it more, before he can store all the different plants and colors and impressions in his mind, they go through another door and all is grey again. 

Cement and dust and steam surround Clint as he is dragged across a metal grid bridge so narrow, he can see down the sides into a deep void; the vastness of it all takes his breath away. Logically, he knows this place has to be gigantic, considering how many people they probably rescued from the surface. But to see so much of it in such a short time makes his head spin. He looks up and sees the same nothingness going on for what seems like miles, the cylindrical shape of the room stretching on higher than he can remember seeing before. For a second – although it must be a trick of the light – for a second he thinks he sees a bit of bright blue all the way at the top … but then he gets a smack on the back of his head and it smarts and he lowers his gaze again. He tries not to dwell on the forbidden blue up high, decides there must be a good reason for it, and marches on.

Still, no one has said a word. Instead, they march him through another door, back into one of the polished corridors and into a room with nothing but bare walls, a white chair and a large observation window. Even behind the window, there is more white. He is shoved onto the chair and one after one, the security guards file out the room, not looking back at him. 

And then, everything around him is quiet. The brightness of the room seems to pierce his brain and Clint has to squint. His breathing still hasn’t slowed and in the quiet whiteness of the room, the noise seems harsh and unfitting. Everything around him is so clean and large and fresh, that for the first time in his life Clint feels dirty, as if his mere presence tarnishes the virginal perfection all around him. 

What will happen to him now? He knows he broke protocol, more than just being late for a shift or designation. People up in Directory tend to tolerate a larger time breach toward the end of curfew, though only in special cases. Clint has never heard of anyone breaking protocol to the extent he had, for such a long time and in the middle of the day … and suddenly he remembers why he got himself into this mess in the first place.

His Connection.

His eyes fly to his wrist; he scrambles to get his sleeve up, hope and terror thumping away in unison in his chest.  
Finally, his eyes fall onto the smooth skin of his underarm. 

Three seconds. 

His heart stops. Or at least it feels that way. There is no air in his lungs and he feels as if he is free falling.

Two seconds.

He gasps in a breath, jumps from his chair just because he doesn’t know what else to do. He is stuck between shock and horror. Was he too late? But he can’t be, there is no one here, he hasn’t seen anyone. 

One second.

As if on its own accord, his head whips up and he looks, he searches, his eyes finding nothing at all but still flitting – from one imagined imperfection to another; nothing but stark whiteness and blinding light and he nearly thinks he’s done it, nearly believes he has made it past when suddenly, there is a flash of red in the corner of his eye. And because it’s the only bit of color he can see in this place, his eyes zero in on it; there is nothing he can do.

The world seems to stop and as the last remaining second ticks away, Clint feels as if he is torn apart. Horrible, treacherous elation is battling a mind-numbing fear when …

… suddenly his eyes find those of a young woman on the other side of the glass window. She seems illuminated; the contrast of her black clothes and fiery hair make for a breath-taking picture against the never-ending whiteness.

It only takes a moment, a split second of time but Clint knows instinctively that this is the most defining moment he has experienced since the day the Earth started to tremble beneath his feet when he was 5 years old.

Suddenly, it feels as if something has settled in his chest. As if a piece has fallen into place that he wasn’t aware he was missing. And he knows it is _her_ ; it could have only ever been her. There is no reason, no logic to it. There is only a certainty that he has never felt before in his life.

And it scares the shit out of him. 

The moments tick by as he stands there, staring at her. Taking all of her in and not seeing enough. She looks at him, too. Her eyes are wide and shocked, for a moment emitting so much pain and confusion that he nearly staggers back from the force of those emotions. Clint wants nothing more than to find out what made her that way and that thought makes him angry, very angry suddenly and though he can’t look away, cannot physically make himself move, he desperately wants to. Because he still doesn’t know how it works, this Connection, but now he wants to know, needs to know because there is no way he can just accept it.

He cannot look away though, either.

They stand and they stare at each other and Clint has no idea how much time has passed. But when he takes a step toward the glass, unconsciously, following more primal need than rational decision, she startles. A shadow falls over her face and the emotions so openly on display earlier vanish in the blink of an eye. She rips her gaze from his and it cuts like a knife, no matter how happy he is to be rid of her intensity.

Clint squeezes his eyes shut and starts breathing again properly. He feels unsettled and shaky and needs a moment, just a moment, to take it all in, to somehow come to terms with the fact that the one thing he has fought against his whole life has come to pass and now he can hardly battle the desire to just give it all up, simply accept this Connection. Just looking at her, just a look, makes his mind want to relinquish any hold on his own sovereignty, present it to her on a silver platter. 

Clint screws his eyes shut, balls his fists until his nails nearly cut the skin of his palm. Whatever it is they did to him, to all of them, he will not just surrender. He cannot pass up his beliefs in the wink of an eye for a person whose name he doesn’t even know. He will _not_ just give in.

Still though, his eyes fly open again, searching for her, but she is still gone and he breathes a sigh of relief. 

Slowly and as controlled as possible, he sits back down in his chair. His eyes fall back to his wrist and find nothing. The timer that has been on his arm for more than half his life is gone, blinked out of existence and his skin is free again, smooth and untouched. So it really happened. Again his eyes fly to the observation window at the other side of the room but it is still mockingly empty. Clint hates that for a second, his chest flares up in pain before he stomps on that bit of misplaced hope and turns his eyes away. 

Clint cannot remember ever feeling this wired, this much in a battle for control. In just over an hour, it seems he has lost any grip he ever had on his life and that is more than unsettling him; it is exhilarating and mind-blowing and so fucking scary that he can no longer sit still. But still he stays seated. His entire body screams for him to give into impulse and temptation, to somehow dash after her, to find her. But he stays seated, wills his body to obey the small part of rationality he seems to have left.

He has always been someone who followed a routine and not just because it was forced on him, but because he liked it. Yes, he is suspicious of this life, craves free will in its original form. But that doesn’t mean he wants to throw caution to the wind. He just wants to know that the decisions he makes are his.

There is only one thing his over-active brain comes back to, again and again, and that is her. But she doesn’t ground him, she doesn’t bring order. She gives him the feeling that he is flying – she is pure chaos to his mind. Thinking about her blocks out every other thought but sends his heart into a maelstrom of emotions he has never had to deal with. He never wanted this, yet now he is struggling not to think of it, can’t not feel it. It’s as if suddenly there is color to the world where before there were only shades of stormy grey, and with each passing second he seems to lose more ground beneath his feet. 

He doesn’t know her name, only knows that somehow, in the stroke of one second, he felt compelled to go back on all that he considers to be himself.

He did not escape Connection Day.

He tried but he failed, and now a whole new world has opened up for him, shines a light in his face and blinds him. But the fundamental reasons for his rebellion are still true. And maybe, if he never sees her again … Clint nearly dares to hope for a moment, though the hope is small. 

The sudden clicking of a door behind him startles him and when he turns around, it’s like a punch to the gut, because she is back. With graceful strides, she stands immediately in front of him, her face a calm mask. Before Clint can even think of doing anything, she raises one of her hands, holds her finger up in front of his lips, not quite touching. 

_Silence_.

The entire situation is so absurd that Clint finds enough distraction in it to throw her a questioning, confused look. She still stands in front of him, hand raised. Her eyes seem to be searching for something in his face, but he doesn’t know what she is looking for, so he stays silent.

He can see her gaze wandering now, slowly travelling down from his face over his shoulders and lower and his heart thumps loudly in his ears, a wild prickling sensation seems to follow the path her eyes take all over his body. Feeling caught between panic and pleasure he is once more unable to move. 

Her eyes are still moving over him, back to his face now and out of nowhere her hand snatches up his own. 

For a second he tries to fight it, to put a stop to what is going on so they won’t be dragged in deeper, but the moment her skin touches his, all he can do is gasp.

Without conscious thought, Clint wraps his own hand around hers, his calloused fingers relishing in the softness of her skin and he can’t stop feeling … all of it. There is a pain in his chest, a harsh pain, that is burning its way in deep but it’s the kind of pain that he knows he will never again want to be without.

Moving his fingers over hers and around, he grabs her other hand. For the first time in a long time he feels grounded, as if some silent symmetry has found its way back into his life. His hands envelope hers, move up and down and around and she moves with him, their hands dancing their own little dance, just feeling, while they stand still.

They are both breathing more heavily than they probably should and Clint is still clueless as to what is going on, but when she leans onto the tips of her combat-boot-covered toes – her face now so close that for the first time he can smell the subtle fragrance of something alien – when her lips seem to ghost past his to whisper in his ear, “Will you come with me?” there is only one answer he can give.

Suddenly, his earlier control and struggle for dominance over this fabricated connection are so far removed he can hardly see it let alone grasp it.

He squeezes her hands and nods his head. _Yes_.

And suddenly, everything happens very fast. They’ve only taken two steps to the concealed door she stepped through, his left hand still tightly wrapped around hers, when the door at the opposite end of the room flies open.

“RUN!” Her scream is an order.

And he does, they both do, and he can hear swearing behind him and the terrifying sound of bullets flying wild. She is leading, running with too much ease for someone like her. And for the first time he actually realises that she looks like someone from ‘up high’. She doesn’t wear any type of selected clothing, her hair is wild but expertly done and there are traces of permanent make-up on her skin. Not recent, but definitely there.

It is this moment, with a hail of bullets behind him and a soft woman’s hand in his, rounding corners and fleeing through doors he wouldn’t even have seen, that Clint comes to a further decision.

For now, there is nothing he can do.

Because no matter how big a part inside him will fight against a chemically-induced perfect romance, he is still on the run. And she is the only person he can rely on right now and there is no way back. He hates it, nearly feels like blaming her, but he is man enough to realise he agreed to run. He could have just let her escape on her own but he didn’t. She only asked a question, he was the one who agreed. 

So he knows that his old life is over and his survival might just be in the palm of this stranger and he has to accept that to survive. 

And it works, his legs seem to run faster, he doesn’t crash into any of the randomly placed items any more and in a matter of seconds, he somehow knows her pattern of movement, knows when she is about to take a sharp turn, knows when she will go straight.

After another 15 minutes of running and climbing, they are on their own. Clint finds himself in a place the like of which he has never seen. They are deep down in Maintenance, deeper than he had ever known it to go and he is pretty sure that no one will find them here. He isn’t even sure he would find the place again.

If he had to describe it, Clint would call where he is ‘living quarters’, because that’s what they appear to be. But they are unlike any quarters he has ever seen. The small space has little furniture and what there is has been haphazardly welded together from scraps of metal and random wood. A small table, a chair, a shelf, a ratty mattress on the floor. Where has the wood come from? Down here, there is only cement and plastic and metal. 

Now that they have stopped running, Clint realizes his exhaustion. His legs are shaking; he is utterly out of breath. He is sweaty and wonders if his vision has always been this blurry. He stumbles, apparently, because suddenly she is by his side. 

Her arms are around his shoulders and she guides him into the chair, forces him down when his legs don’t follow the instructions of his brain. From somewhere, she produces a standard issue mug with water and makes him drink it, the whole thing, in small sips.

“Close your eyes for a while, breathe deeply.”

She is speaking again, and for the first time Clint actually _hears_ her voice. How deep it is and how sure it sounds, how calm. But his body is making clear that the kind of exercise he just took part in is not something it can deal with at the moment. It is enough motivation to make him lean his head back and close his eyes, taking a break from whatever chemical reaction makes him want to do nothing but stare at her.

He leans his head back against a pipe behind him and closes his eyes, takes deep breaths. It’s not that he isn’t fit. He has always passed every health check with flying colors, knows that his muscle tone is better than that of most people down here. But considering that he cannot even remember the last time he ran anywhere, it shouldn’t be a surprise that his lungs aren’t quite up to the challenge.

Clint pinches the bridge of his nose and grimaces a little. This life. As if he had just gone up to check-out, given Betty a flirty grin and exchanged his old life for this new and screwed-up version.

Funny how he was handed both his absolute dream come true and his most personal nightmare all in the same moment - chemical connection and desperate freedom in one paradoxical package. 

He hears her moving, the quiet tinkering of someone who knows her way around her own space, and he realises that his earlier assumption must be right. These are her living quarters. For a moment he fights the desire to look at her, stubbornly wants to pretend that there has been no change, that he has mastered her and him and their fucked-up deal. But of course that doesn’t last and so he opens his eyes again and watches her. She doesn’t have her back to him and he has a feeling she doesn’t turn her back on anyone, friend or foe – who knows which he is. He doesn’t quite know himself yet. What he does know is that if he were to move now, she would be ready for it.

It’s a sobering thought and an elating one at the same time, that there should be someone so much more equipped for rebellion than him. He always assumed it was just him who didn’t fit in and Bruce … well, his friend wanted to fit in, but wasn’t allowed to. 

But here he is, on his Connection Day. And he has connected - there is no other word for it - and she is the embodiment of life, of freedom, of open space … while at the same time tying him down, making him question his own decisions because it gets more and more difficult to figure out whether his intentions come from him or from some warped desire linked to her. It’s frustrating and more than a little annoying but he is in this mess now and he won’t be a coward. They are a couple now, though a couple of what kind is yet to be determined. Still, there is nothing wrong in knowing your … partner.

“What’s your name?” 

He asks, his voice cold, more detached than most of him wants. That she doesn’t flinch or spin around when he talks tells him that he was right – not much gets past her.  
She turns from her crouched position on the floor, puts whatever item she was holding back on the ground, and looks at him. 

“You can call me Natasha.” Her face seems oddly closed off now, mysterious even, as she regards him for a while, quietly. 

“Clint”, he says eventually, clipped. “Clint Barton.”

“Clint,” she says, as if trying how it sounds and tastes on her tongue and he cannot help it that his eyes fall to her lips, watch the way they shape around his name. 

Again the silence lasts while she looks at him, her gaze wavering a bit, uncertainty mixed in with that quiet confidence. She opens her mouth, then closes it and turns around for a second, grabs whatever she was tinkering with. 

“Take this, get used to the feeling. I can’t show you how to operate it, so you have to get used to it as much as possible just by holding it.” 

Cold steel is pressed into his hand. He is holding a gun.

His first instinct is to drop it, to run as fast as he can. Possession of anything that can be used as a weapon is one of the highest offences; owning an actual, functioning gun is pretty much a death sentence.

But here he is, weapon shoved in his hand while his new … partner? plays with a small knife, lets it fly back and forth in her fingers.

“What the …?” He stares at her, shock and distain on his face all the while battling the really quite sad feeling of total devotion and trust that he feels rising in his chest whenever he looks at her.

She regards him without expression for a while before pursing her lips, annoyance in her gaze.

“Look, I know this is a lot to process. But either you’re in, or you’re not. If you’re in you’re gonna need it, if you’re not, I’m gonna knock you out and take you back. You’ll never find me again.” 

His mouth continues to hang open, but he feels himself growing angry now and he welcomes it. Because no matter what connects them, he is apparently allowed to feel actual annoyance towards her. 

“In What?!” he snaps and jumps to his feet, happy to realise his legs are working just fine again.

“Until a few hours ago, I led a normal life; suddenly I’m on the run because _you_ asked me to. And now you give me some bullshit ultimatum and, apparently, a gun – which also means you seem to trust me and …” 

His anger-induced energy suddenly leaves him and he falls back into his chair, eyes on the gun still in his hand and utterly frustrated. Dimly, he notes that the gun in his hand already feels a lot more familiar than he is comfortable with, but he shoves the thought away and looks up at her, finds her watching him intently but silently. 

“I don’t know who you think I am, but you cannot …” he starts again but trails off, suddenly uncomfortable with the silence.

“I mean _you_ took me with you. _You asked_. And I …” He has no idea what else to say, it all seems so absurd. He snorts, rolls his eyes and mirrors her movement by crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Natasha, until 2 hours ago, I was dreading my Connection Day and now I am here, having escaped a hail of bullets and run through half the Corporation _with you_ , and I am not saying it was your fault but you need to … you cannot … you need to explain.”

It might be sad, the way his voice hitches in the end. But he is kind of desperate and his world is spinning and she just … doesn’t say anything. She just looks at him and he feels his heart react to her intense gaze, though he wills it not to. He wants to be angry with her, to not feel like she is the centre of his universe.

His eyes are burning and his heart is thumping away and somehow he suddenly wonders if this is all one big mistake, if he made it all up in his head, her reaction – the way she looked at him as if he was her reason to breathe. 

He hasn’t realised it, but his knee has started twitching, nervously jumping up and down; her hand on it makes him pause and of course he looks at her again. He doesn’t expect her to kneel in front of him, but that’s how he finds her. There is still a wild, harsh determination in her eyes, but he has come to realise already that that will never go away, it’s how she is and his heart stutters. But underneath the harshness, he sees the same uncertainty and confusion and fear in her that he feels himself.

She seems to offer herself to him and the gesture seems so out of character, and she looks so uncomfortable doing it, that Clint slides out of his chair, kneels down as well, their eyes level. He can feel the air crackling again, so he leans back, needing more room to breathe.

“It’s your Connection Day?” she asks, her voice nearly a whisper. Clint nods slowly, rolls up his sleeve a little bit and shows her the smooth bit of skin where his timer used to be. She reaches for it and, trails her thumb over it. Clint swallows and before he can help it, he speaks and this time his words aren’t cold or harsh or angry.

“It ran out the moment I saw you behind that window.” His voice is just as quiet, but she reacts as if he screamed.

She stares at him. “Impossible.” 

Clint narrows his eyes in confusion.

“Wasn’t it yours?” 

Instead of answering, she shows him her own wrist. Instead of a timer or bare skin, there is a scar. It’s callused and uneven and ugly, but Clint can’t help but run his finger over it, ignoring as best he can the dryness of his mouth at the touch.

“What happened?” He continues to trace his fingers over the scar, but looks at her and she lets her eyes fall to the floor for a while, another surprise admission of weakness he hadn’t expected of her. She lifts her eyes again before she speaks, no weakness in her eyes now.

“I cannot remember.”

Clint again cannot look away, feels as if he is drowning in her and for the moment, he is unable to pull himself back.

“I don’t know why I have this scar and I don’t know why I trust you, when every rational part in me tells me I shouldn’t. But I do. And I know that is wrong. Trust gets you killed.”

Her voice is colder towards the end and he is glad to see that she isn’t overjoyed about their pre-destined union either.

Instead of speaking again, she catches his hand, stops the movement over her scar. Instead she lifts his hand and explores his fingers, each one in turn and he lets her.  
“I woke up one morning in my bed and I couldn’t remember my name.” She isn’t looking at him now, still has her gaze fixed on his hand.

“I had this scar and a couple more bruises and a gun under my pillow. And though everyone around me treated me as if everything was normal, as if I belonged, I didn’t feel normal and they tried to help, tried to make me believe I was part of the family. But people like them are no good at acting or hiding their real emotions, and I began to try and find out what happened. I found a lot of answers, like the lie of the Corporation, but I still don’t know who I am … or who I was.” She looks at him now, her gaze just as fierce and determined. 

“But I am Natasha now and I won’t let anyone take that away from me again.” 

There is a hurricane of emotion inside him and he knows there are things - big things - that he should ask her. About where she came from and what ‘lie’ she meant. Instead, he just looks at her. At the way her lower lip is shoved forward just a little bit, as if she was asking him to defy her new reality. How there might be the tiniest hint of wetness in her eyes, but he knows that she hasn’t cried, that Natasha doesn’t cry.

And he lifts his hand again and slowly, carefully, cradles her face in his hand, traces his thumb along her bottom lip. He really shouldn’t, because this isn’t natural and he wants freedom not more Corporation-induced instructions. But he cannot help it and it really doesn’t feel unnatural. And regardless of their connection, she is still amazing, isn’t she? She has defied the Corporation at every turn, has risked her life for her freedom – isn’t that something to celebrate, to aspire to, to marvel at?

“Natasha.” He says and he smiles, just a little, because he doesn’t know what else to do and because she is fire and life and she remade herself and if she can do it, maybe so can he. Just for this moment it doesn’t matter to him if Connection Day is real or not, because it feels so right and if he is free now, shouldn’t he be allowed to finally act on his feelings any way he chooses? So when he lowers his head and brushes his lips with hers, there is only a little hesitancy, only a short moment that makes him pause, but he chooses to ignore it.

It is nothing but a quiet touching of lips for a while, a slow exploration of new territory. He has seen people kiss before, but this is the first time he has done it himself, ever even felt like trying it. It is miraculous and exciting and scary but it feels right.

Natasha reacts as he should have expected – with passion. She practically throws herself into the feeling and after a time, it is she who dares more … she who sets her hands on his hips and opens her lips wider. And suddenly Clint’s world is turning from an entirely different kind of feeling. It overwhelms him and sucks him in at the same time and he wants her closer and far gone at the same time. But there is more, so much more, he can feel it at the edge of his consciousness and he just doesn’t know … 

He breaks the kiss, only now realising how heavily he is breathing, just like her. 

His hands are still holding her face and he can still feel the excitement and fear of this new experience humming in his veins. But he feels conflicted again, the doubts coming back now, forcefully breaking in from where he banned them earlier. 

“Is this real?” he asks her and she takes a long time replying, her fingers absently trailing up and down his waist.

“I don’t know,” she says finally. “But I hope it is.”


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint had tried to make himself remember the feeling of her nearly snuggled into his shoulder and his arm around her, to brand it into his brain so he would never forget what it feels like to hold something so important so close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that took just about forever and a day to finish!  
> I am SO SO SORRY! Me being ill for more than two weeks (the type of illness where you can't do ANYTHING!) and then Grandma troubles and work being a giant pain in the buttocks ... well, there was just never enough time to actually finish my edits and go through my beta's notes.
> 
> Which brings me to AlphaFlyer \- THANK YOU, as always. I know this chapter was a fucking PAIN for you to edit so ... I am so grateful that you didn't just throw it back in my face (which I am sure the quality of this chapter deserved!)
> 
> Now, without further ado ...

****

**“All great changes are preceded by chaos.”  
** _Deepak Chopra_

 

It is later now, much later, although Clint has lost his usually reliable sense of time. He used to mark time by the countdown on his wrist, by the minutes and hours ticking away. Now though, he can hardly tell if it is past curfew already or not. Not that it matters anymore – he can set his own curfew now. What a strange but welcome thought.

They had shared a meager assortment of food and, mainly, they had talked. Now, they are lying on the old mattress, his back to the wall and her back to his front, not touching. She had wanted to make sure she could look at the entryway the entire time, be ready for whatever might come through.

Which means he is forced to look at her.

She had fallen asleep some time ago and Clint thinks that it’s a testament to her exhaustion that she actually did, her hand wrapped around her gun on the ground next to the bed.

They had kissed and it had been amazing, but after that, they had both refrained from touching for as long as possible. Neither of them had been willing to continuously give up the remainder of their rationality just to the fact that whenever they touched the chemicals in their blood reacted.

He knows he should sleep, too. If today had been exhausting, tomorrow might be deadly, even more so if he doesn’t rest. But his head is still spinning, trying to bring order to the chaos of all his new discoveries. There is no way he can sleep just yet.

They had sat on her worn mattress, a tea-like concoction in their mugs and talked. Shared the more basic information about themselves and tried to find a common ground concerning their man-made predicament. They had agreed on that very quickly. They had both agreed they would try to touch as little as possible, because so far neither of them know how exactly it works and until they find someone that has some answers they decided to at least try to keep their independence.

They had also agreed that, while they doubted the feeling of total trust between them, there was hardly anything either of them could do. There was no way Clint could go back (or wanted to, if he was honest with himself) without facing possible death; for Natasha, it wasn’t even a question.

She had told him how she had found out that there is actually life on the surface. There is a group of survivors and rebels living a different kind of life, Natasha had run into them when she had first found a way outside. It had been them that told her what she knew now. They wanted to show her how to fight, too. But as it turned out, whoever she had been in her old life more than knew how to defend herself or how to attack others.

The rebels’ life is not much on first view, with most of the old cities destroyed at this point, whether by toxins or by nature, who knows. But people have returned and keep returning, trying to build a new life. She had told Clint that the sky isn’t black but that it is a breath-taking blue, that the sun had burned her skin and that she had never felt so alive.

She had come back for her little brother – or at least they had told her he was her brother. But he had been five years old and so innocent, and the only thing of worth she had found since waking up and finding herself in a life that wasn’t her own. She had told him how she had believed it had been a ruse. That she didn’t believe that she was actually part of the family. Too many bruises and unexplained restrictions had been placed on her right from the start for that to make sense. She must have done something that upset them, something that made them steal her memories. And that was why they had taken her in - to keep a close eye on her.

At least that is what she believes. It is one of the things she hopes to learn more about once she is outside for good.

Clint isn’t very fluent in the politics and relationships of the upper levels, he never had reason to learn that language. But they seem to have their own type of hierarchy and wherever Natasha had ended up, it must have been pretty high up. And for a while she had tried to make it work, tried to fit in to the life she woke up to. She had honestly tried to fight the urges to run and to fight and to learn. But her thirst for knowledge had been too much, and so she had started to look beneath the surface of tea parties and banquets to find the answers for a life she hadn’t felt belonged to her.

And she had done it all by herself, had figured it all out. That the Corporation has been lying to them all, that it is trying to keep everyone unaware, to hold on to its power. There must be a bigger reason for why they keep them herder together like animals, one even Natasha doesn’t know about yet. For now it is enough for Clint to know that it’s all a lie. It never felt right and now he knows that his suspicions weren’t all crazy talk.

Natasha had spent a while living by herself. She had fled from her _‘family’_ after she had discovered that the outside wasn’t toxic and spend a long time trying to find a way out. It must have been a harsh life, and a lonely one; Clint had to keep himself from reaching out for her when she had told him about it, in the same detached and matter-of-fact tone that she had been using the entire time.

But she had found a way out, through an old and abandoned ventilation shaft. And she had met the rebellion. Apparently they call themselves S.H.I.E.L.D., or  _Security and Health for Individuals Evacuated from Lunacy and Dictatorship_. Clint had snorted at the name and even Natasha had rolled her eyes.

It had been late in the night already when Natasha had whispered to him that she was grateful to have found him. Because when she had caught his eye through the glass window, she had been about to do something stupid, suicidal.  

She had come back from outside to get her brother but once she made it back to where here supposed home had been, she had found him dead. She still doesn’t know why or how he died, but she is sure that it is a message to her. So instead of quietly smuggling the young boy back out and to meet up with her friends from S.H.I.E.L.D., she had tried to get into the Corporations mainframe. She had wanted to do something big, something that might expose the Corporation for who they are.

She knows she would have paid with her life.

But then she had seen Clint through the window and now they are connected, and it had kept her from breaking apart entirely. Their connection had given her that short moment of pause to make her realize that there were better, more sufficient ways to make the Corporation pay, ways that wouldn’t involve her death.

So instead of her brother, she will take Clint with her to the outside, to a real life.

What a terrifying but also exhilarating thought.

They had ended up kissing again in the end, despite their promises to themselves. Clint still revels in the feeling her closeness brings him. He knows the mechanics of reproduction, has known them since he was 15; they all do. He knows about urges and how to take care of them, but none of it comes even close to describing the intimacy and wonder he experiences when he allows himself to feel the intoxicating closeness of Natasha. He delights in the little sounds she makes when he kisses her a certain way and is even more astounded that there is so much more to it than just the pressing of lips on lips. Just running his hands through her hair makes her shiver and her hands on his skin gives him goosebumps.

Once they had been able to break apart, they had decided they needed sleep and because they both knew touching would make it difficult to stick with that decision, they put as much distance between their bodies on the old mattress as possible.

Clint can’t sleep yet, though he does start to feel tired now. But in his mind he keeps trying to grasp the fact that his entire world has been turned upside down.

Did he have suspicions? Yes, he did. That some things weren’t right, that some people lived better than others. But he had never dared to believe that all of it was a lie. And what for?

Nothing makes sense anymore. If there is sun and the toxic air is gone, then why keep them locked up? Who is gaining anything from keeping everyone under lock and key? Trying to figure it out gives him a headache and so he tries not to. At least for now. There is so much more yet to learn. He will find the reasons with time, they both will.

For a moment, Clint wonders if they shouldn’t try and spread the word underground. There is strength in numbers after all and doesn’t everyone deserve to know the truth? But then he thinks of the coziness and the comfort that everyone he knows relishes in. How down here everyone works like clockwork to please, to live a comfortable, simple life. So he pushes the thought away. They will get them out someday soon in the future, he is sure.

It would only be chaos and … and he wants to be selfish. There is a brave new world unfolding right before his eyes and for a moment longer, he wants it to be just his. His world and Natasha’s.

And Bruce’s. He made Natasha promise that they would get Bruce, because he is Clint’s friend and as new and amazing as it all is (and as terrifying), he cannot imagine a life without him. They will go back, tomorrow. They will climb up through the venting shafts very early, before first call, and wait for the rush of people from the early shift to make their way to Breakfast Hall IX.

Natasha hadn’t wanted to, had insisted that the time until they were to meet with the outside crew was already stretched thin as it was, but Clint hadn’t budged.

Bruce would be there, of course. And Clint would mix in with the flood of workers, hoping to stay undetected. The difficult part will be to persuade Bruce to just follow him without long explanations. For him to just break the rules and turn his back on his old life without knowing even a fraction of what Clint now knows. As much as Bruce appreciates silence, when there is a topic of importance, he likes to talk things through, to discuss it in detail until every little component has been stripped bare, because he likes to understand things, inside out, before making a decision.

While Clint usually doesn’t mind, tomorrow it is a luxury they cannot afford and as his eyes finally fall shut, he hopes that his friend trusts him and their friendship enough to make the right decision.

*****

It is a supply closet of some sort where they end up waiting, ears pressed against the door to listen for the sounds of approaching footsteps. The air around them is thick with tension and neither of them speaks, like it has been all morning. After being woken by Natasha’s light caresses up and down his arm, they had stayed as they were, nearly wrapped around each other, for a few wonderful minutes. Clint had tried to make himself remember the feeling of her nearly snuggled into his shoulder and his arm around her, to brand it into his brain so he would never forget what it feels like to hold something so important so close.

Too soon, though, reality had crept in and the mood had changed. They had gotten up in silence, shared some protein shake that Natasha had dug up from some corner. Both of them had been sitting at opposite walls, only their legs touching, passing a mug back and forth. Maybe it was because they were more used to it, but Clint felt more like himself when he touched her now. As if the overwhelming, primal urgency was gone, or had at least lessened.

Still not saying a word, Natasha had passed him the gun again and this time, Clint had taken it willingly, felt the weight of it in his hand. It felt oddly right to have it, now that he really knew what was coming, and he had tried his best to mirror the quick movement of Natasha’s hands on her own gun. Safety on, safety off, taking aim.

The look Natasha had on her face while she watched him handling the heavy metal was one of regret but then she had turned away and her face was closed off again, almost neutral. As if there was too much routine in preparing for what could end up becoming a very short battle. Clint had the first to leave, to wait some paces from the entrance to the little hole-in-the-wall home she had built for herself, let her have a few minutes of solitude to say goodbye. But it had only taken another moment and she had been by his side, armed with two knives on top of her gun. She had taken his hand, looked up at him for a long, hard moment, and then they had set off.

And now they are nearly at their destination. It had taken them the better part of two hours to get close enough to the corridor so that now Clint even has a chance of slipping in unnoticed, and even that chance is slim. All they can do now is wait now for the unmistakably rhythmic trot of several hundred boots on cement flooring. They are at a junction where two groups of workers meet before filing into a long tunnel. It will be a nightmare getting back to Natasha once he has found Bruce, but there just doesn’t seem to be another way.

Though Natasha is the professional (if you can even call it that) between the two of them, even she is anxious. The fine lines around her eyes are prominent, showing her worry and Clint quickly squeezes her hand, trying to reassure her. It is amazing how much easier it is to be strong when there is someone to be strong for.

Natasha looks up at him then, lower lip worried between her teeth. Clint wants to tell her that everything will be fine, that they will be OK and that in a short time, they will have made it. But he can’t get the words out, finds them horribly sentimental in his head already so he just nods.

A few seconds later, his ears pick up the faint sound of boots and he swallows once, indicates with his head that he can hear something. Both of them wait, hardly breathing, until the factory workers have to be right at their door.

Clint knows what is coming and while he knows he will do it, now his hands are shaking madly and his breathing is uneven. He closes his eyes, tries to breathe deeply, but it doesn’t help.

Natasha suddenly grabs his hand in both of hers, her grip nearly painful, bringing him back. He takes a few more deep breath, tries to calm himself but it still only works for a moment.

“Look at me,” she says then, her voice deep and steady. He does. Her gaze is hard, determined and for a second he can pretend the rhythm outside the door doesn’t exist. Natasha leans up and presses her lips to his, quick and hard and unforgiving.

“No regrets.”

He takes a second to memorize her face and her fierceness before he nods and pushes open the door, slipping out.

Though the people in front of him definitely notice that he appeared from somewhere he wasn’t supposed to be, he is immediately swept up in the marching mass. For a moment he can see the struggle on the faces of the people around him. Call out and alert some sort of authority or walk on as if nothing happens? He can practically see the different directions their thoughts take and he is surprised by how alien it already feels to him, how strange their robotic motions and ideas are to him.

He knows within seconds they won’t say a word. Too scared there might be a reason for him to be there, that they might bring trouble down on themselves, that they might be late for breakfast. They have, after all, only their own roles to play.

So Clint turns away, his gaze running up and down the lines of people he can spot. He falls back a bit, tries to catch more faces but it takes him a long time, too long maybe, until he finally recognizes his friend a couple of lines ahead. Another few moments and he is next to Bruce.

“Bruce, please don’t freak out but you need to listen to me.”

And Bruce doesn’t freak exactly. But he does startle and his head spins around. His eyes, round and a little shocked, fix on Clint.

“Bruce, listen to me,” Clint starts again, leaning in close, before his friend can even open his mouth.

“It’s a lie. All of it. Everything we ever thought might be wrong  _is_ wrong and we’re going to go out, get outside, I mean. Because we can, Bruce. The surface is clean. But we have to go  _now_.”

Bruce only continues to stare at him, feet systematically marching onward like they have for so long. Clint, though, knows his friend, can see the wheels turning. Still, they are walking on with everyone else and Clint nearly trips when he sees they’re already nearing the end of the tunnel. Already he can spot the check-in point right before his old Breakfast Hall.

“Leave? _Now_?” Bruce looks a little pale and Clint can understand, oh by god he can understand. But there is no _time_.

He grabs Bruce’s hand, hard.

“Bruce I know this is a lot and we will talk but there is no  _time_ , we have to go, we have to leave  _now_!”

He puts as much vehemence in his words as he can, tries to convey just how important it is and he thinks he can see it, the moment Bruce gets it and then –

_“Dear residents of Sector 11-Alpha, please cease all movement. This is an unannounced training exercise; your minutes will not be reduced. Please stand still until the exercise is over.”_

Everyone immediately obeys; even Clint automatically stops any and all movement – old habits die hard. But while everyone around him seems nearly delighted by the change of pace, looking around excitedly and only a little scared, he only feels ice cold dread in his stomach. He tries to assess the situation, but in a fraction of a second he feels like punching the glass wall next to him because he doesn’t know what to do.

Bruce looks at him, scared and expectantly and Clint knows that he is supposed to have the answers. He is a leader now but  _he doesn’t know_. He isn’t a strategist; he doesn’t know how the Elite Squad works except that they have guns and have already proven they aren’t above using them on him. He turns his head frantically, tries to look back all the way they came, as if looking in Natasha’s direction will change anything, help him, inspire him.

And then, there is movement up ahead, coming from the check-in point. Members of the Elite Squad have begun weaving their way through the rows of people, checking fingertips and faces. For a moment, Clint is stuck. Caught between just giving into the panic he feels rising inside and the need to see this through, to make it all alright. Again, he looks at Bruce, then back to where the junction is too far back for comfort. But then he sees it, for a split second, between the grey’s and blues – a streak of red.

He pushed the panic down, gives himself ten seconds to get back control of his body, then he turns to Bruce.

“I know this is a lot to process. But either you’re in, or you’re out - decide.”

He gives him another ten seconds. Ten seconds to look at the Squad members, coming closer and closer. But Bruce only needs five before he makes his decision. Clint can see it in the way he straightens his spine, the set of his mouth, but he waits for Bruce to nod, to give him the go ahead. Then he is pushing Bruce around, away from the Elite Squad, through the flocks of people and their shocked expressions.

Moving along the walls might be easier, faster. But somehow Clint hopes that staying in the thick of people will keep the Elite Squad from opening fire. Surely, they wouldn’t kill their own people just to get to him?

But then he hears a gunshot, just one, and all around him people start screaming.

“DO NOT LET THAT MAN LEAVE!” someone yells, and now it’s impossible for him and Bruce to move. While most people just panic, running wild, some have realized what is going on and if there is one thing the population of Sector 11-Alpha is good at, it is following orders.

Never have so many people tried to grab him, hold onto him, get just the tiniest piece of him; for a few moments Clint is about to give up again, doesn’t know what to do. He is surrounded by the angry faces of the people with whom he has spent his entire life. They had never been his friends, no. But they had never looked at him with hate before, either.

He presses forward, tries to find a way through, but too many people have gotten a hold of him now and he can’t move and neither can Bruce. Clint feels his control slip away, but then he has an idea.

He turns to Bruce, his gaze intense. “Trust me.” he says, his eyes nearly pleading. And then he grabs his friend around the neck, gets out his gun with the other and shoots at the ceiling before holding the nozzle of the gun to Bruce’s head.

“Let me through or he will die!” Clint puts as much venom in his words as he can, so they believe him and most people do – but not all of them. Caught between horror and following orders, there are still enough that do the one thing they know how to do. Though he can move again, his and Bruce’s progress is slow, too slow.

Then, there are more gunshots, but this time from the other side of the tunnel. Clint turns his head, expecting more Squad members but he is wrong.

Natasha is standing at the entrance of the tunnel, her gun held high. She shoots again, high in the air and the bullet ricochets off the wall, flying wide. Everyone has her attention.

“EVERYONE BETTER FUCKING MOVE OUT OF THE WAY OR THERE WILL BE BLOOD!”

And to underline that she means it, she empties a round into the leg of whoever is closest to her.

No one is screaming now. Everyone is staring at her and Clint can understand why. Her stance is strong and fearless, but what makes everyone stare in shock is the look in her eyes. He doesn’t think he has ever seen so much power come from one single person and if he’d tried to battle his feelings before, he can’t now. Not because she is his, not because they Connected. But because she is Natasha, and she plays by no one’s rules but her own.

Now, things happen quickly. Clint pushes onward, his gun alternating between resting on his friends temple and being aimed at whoever dares to be in his way. He makes his face a mask of anger and aggression and he can see that people are scared of him. It is an uncomfortable but powerful feeling.

Behind him, he can hear the Elite Squad in motion again and he hardly dares to look back. But he does anyway, is shocked by how close their pursuers are. Like Natasha did earlier, he tries to aim at their legs and after a few wild shots even catches one in the thigh. The next one he hits in the knee, bulls eye. After that, pretty much every bullet lands where he wants it to, but he has no time to be surprised about that.

Instead, he just pushes Bruce forward as fast as possible and the two of them scramble onward, making good time now. But now that the people in the tunnel have moved out of the way, they’re a target, too and it doesn’t take long until bullets are chasing after them as well.

Clint just runs, dragging Bruce along with him, his eyes on Natasha who gives as good as they all are getting, emptying round after round into whoever is following them.

They’ve nearly made it, Clint can already make out the grim set of Natasha’s mouth. He see that she is bleeding heavily from a wound on her thigh and for a moment, he is distracted, too focused on her to remember that Bruce isn’t as fast, that there are bullets flying everywhere.

And then the two shots are followed by the sickening thud of metal on flesh and he hears Bruce yell.

Mid-run, Clint turns around, nearly losing his footing but it doesn’t matter because one second later, he is on his knees anyway, bent over his friend who has a hand on his stomach. Already blood is seeping through Bruce’s clothes, his hands, pooling under him.

“Bruce, no!”

Clint lets go of the gun, hears it clutter to the ground next to him but doesn’t even see it. Too focused is he on his friend and the wide stare that is directed his way. Around him, people have started to move in again and he thinks he hears Natasha yell for them to stay back but he can’t hear.

Bruce holds up one bloody hand and waves it vaguely in the direction of Natasha.

“That … her?” already his voice sounds breathless, gurgling and wet and Clint has to lean in close to understand him. He nods, but speaks anyway.

“Yes, yes, it is.”

There is a grimace on Bruce’s face that is probably meant to be a grin.

“Go figure,” he says and Clint nearly laughs but then there are bullets flying again and Natasha is at his side, grabbing his arm.

“Leave him.”

Her voice is cold as steel, her eyes careless. He is shocked by how detached she is, how she seemingly doesn’t care. He wants to argue with her, to yell at her for taking him away from his one friend who is dying right beneath his fingers. But the next bullet eats into the ground right next to his leg and he knows he has to leave now or not at all.

He knows he has to, but Clint can’t get himself to move. He looks from Natasha back to Bruce, who is already horribly pale, back to Natasha and he feels like screaming. He can’t leave him. He promised to get him out, he told Bruce to trust him.

Something wet touches his cheek and it’s Bruce, a bloody hand gripping awkwardly at his jaw, forcing Clint to look into his dying friends eyes.

“Go,” he rasps. “I’ll be fine.”

Clint can’t breathe, but Natasha is pushing him up, dragging him behind her and he knows they have to leave. He mouths _I’m sorry_ and then he closes his eyes and turns around, running with his eyes closed for as long as he dares. Natasha is behind him, shielding him with both guns now in her hands while he fumbles with the door.

Then they are through and they jam a metal shelf between wall and door, in the hope that it will give them just a few minutes. Somehow, they get back into the air vents and Clint just blindly follows Natasha because it is the only thing he can do. He can’t think right now, because if he thinks he will break and then, they will both die.

And so he crawls on, like a robot, like a machine and he would snort at the irony if he had the breath to spare.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I know you think I am cold and that I don’t care. I know you’re angry. But I can’t, OK?” she swallows quickly, arm falling to her side and as always, the changes that come over her are quick in succession. In the span of a deep breath she first seems to shrink in size, just for a second she is small and alone and scared before she shakes it off, face set back to cold and calculating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhm ... hi? Look at that, the story is still alive! This is just a short chapter, a bit of clearing the air for the two after what happened in the last chapter (Remember? Bruce ... :/) before we start with the last "fight" so to speak. It just felt like it fit better as a chapter on its own than as part of the longer, next one.
> 
> So, yeah. Sorry for taking ages to update, hope you can forgive me.

**“You can't stop the future**  
You can't rewind the past  
The only way to learn the secret  
...is to press play.”  
Jay Asher – _Thirteen Reasons Why_

It is surprising how quickly everything is quiet again. His ears ring for longer than there are actual sounds of people following them and Clint can only wonder how much time Natasha spend mapping out the entire underground maze because she never hesitates, she just pushes on - through ventilation shafts, down dark corridors, up long and winding stairs.

The silence between them is heavy with accusation, at least for Clint. He can’t get the image of Bruce, all bloody and broken out of his head and that coupled with the cold, calculating stare Natasha has had on her face since the incident in the hallway fill him with regret. There is no use, he knows, wishing for a different past so his future seems less bleak, but still now he regrets some of the quick, rash decisions. Feels like a child stumbling from darkness into blinding light, weak and open for attack.

Twice they have to quickly scramble away when they hear a patrol coming their way, but they manage to elude them at the last minute. They stop a few times, mainly to catch their breaths and to drink a few sips from the small bottle of water they have between them, but mostly they just quietly move on, level after level, following the road less travelled and staying out of sight of the cameras.

After what seems like hours, Natasha crouches down in front of a small, grid-covered opening. Clint lets his eyes roam and is sure that this leads to the larger, abandoned shaft Natasha mentioned the day before.

He stands back while she is busy with the grid. If there was ever an opportunity to talk before they make it out, now would be it. But he doesn’t know what to say, isn’t even sure he wants to talk to her now. With a start, he realizes he feels betrayed by her. He has trusted her with his all, trusted her truth to be the real truth and taken it in without questioning and what did he get as a thank you? Nothing but coldness and no understanding for what he is trying, desperately to work through.

He shot people. He consciously inflicted pain on another human being and it was easy. Maybe that is what is throwing him more than anything else, the fact that is seemed so easy. After he did it once, there was no hesitation, not even a struggle to hit the right target. He just aimed and shot and people crumbled to the floor. It should worry him more, it should make him sick to his stomach. But it doesn’t.

And Natasha just accepts it. Sees him wound, possibly kill people for the first time in his life and she takes it like it was expected, not even a question.

And his stubbornness killed Bruce.

He could have just left him. It would not have been freedom but at least it would have been a life. He would have been alive.

Clint covers his face with his hands, only now realizing there is still a little blood on them and shudders, uses the sleeve of his sweater and some spit to get it off, rubbing furiously.

Her hand stills his movement. Mouth set in a stern line he watches her cut a piece off from one of the several layers she wears, take out the small water bottle and use the cloth to clean his hands.

“It’s welded shut; someone must have realized that it’s an easy way out.” As always, her voice is controlled and quiet but carrying.

“And?”

She looks at him now, just a hint of worry at the corner of her eyes and he can feel himself softening toward her already, just through her proximity. To escape the inevitable just a moment longer, he took a step back.

“We need to find another way out.”

Easy, as if there’s construction between the factories and people are being rerouted. Already, she is turning away, gathering her things and pocketing the bloody rag so they don’t leave any trace.

“What do you mean, ‘another way’?” Clint’s voice is sharp, pressing her to finally say something because this sounds a lot more like a suicide mission than an escape. “How do you expect us to just find another way out? Everyone is looking for us, people are everywhere. They know out faces.”

She moves forward, not looking or acknowledging that he has spoken so he grabs for her arm. She whirls around and pushes him into the wall, arm on his neck and now, instead of neutral professionalism or harsh coldness, he sees the Natasha he saw yesterday. Her jaw is tight; there is desperation there, worry and a number of other things he doesn’t have time to file away before she talks.

“I know you think I am cold and that I don’t care. I know you’re angry. But I can’t, OK?” she swallows quickly, arm falling to her side and as always, he changes that come over her are quick in succession. In the span of a deep breath she first seems to shrink in size, just for a second she is small and alone and scared before she shakes it off, face set back to cold and calculating.

“I can’t because if I think about, if I let it get to me, I will fall and I won’t get up again. Right now, I can only do this. We can only focus on this and we need to trust each other; not because of the stupid connection but because we choose to.”

Her eyes flick up to his, seem to hold him in place while he tries to weigh out if he can accept what she says.

He can. Not because of their thing, but because she is right and he should have realized it sooner. Their escape needs to be their primary objective for now, everything else has to come after, once they reach wherever they are going.

So he nods, mind briefly begging for him to use it as an excuse to touch her but he refrains.

“Do you know another way?” He asks instead. Natasha shakes her head slowly.

“I only know the official route.” The way she says it makes it sound like a death sentence and it probably is.

“But we might be lucky.” Clint swallows a snort. “Hardly anyone ever makes it this high up, they’ve long ago stopped caring out the official entrance way because it’s not really been used in 10 years. Maybe they are still looking for us down in the factories.”

It would indeed be luck, but it’s the only thing they got. There isn’t enough time to search for other means. The one thing they’ve got going for them now is a tiny element of surprise, taking routes that no one would expect them to. And so they gather their things, Natasha checking her still slightly bleeding thigh and wrapping a new handmade bandage around it to still the blood flow. After that, they set off again, quiet and determined.

 


End file.
